Learning about my naiveness, I found that I had wronged my late-aunty many times with poor judgment based on my perceived "sound knowledge" about her condition in health and mental being. The "sound knowledge" is base on personal experience, the professionalism in certain area. And so often, I was misled by biases, and perceptions. We need to learn that there is no absolute truth except Jesus Christ. The verse in James 4 turns into a stronger light, and God is leading me to enter another dimention to show me my inequity. I thank God for my aunty's salvation, and I believe that she is now healthy and loved in heaven. The sorrows turned into joy, the bitterness of being wrong (In fact, she had never shown bitterness towards my wrong perceptions towards her). It was love that supported her all the while to love me. And I based on my own perception, took her love in my own view without giving full consideration towards her.
It seems justifiable because "we need to think of ourselves". There is always a benchmark of "You had tried your best!", "You done enough!" My late-aunty and I had good relationship, we loved each other and that could be witnessed. Yet, I cannot tell lies. I had certainly wronged her in many ways, many times. With my perceived observation. And these perceived observation and judgment sounded so "valid". The validity could never be 100%, now I learn that even you are quite 99% sure about a hypothesis, you will still have 1% of chance of being wrong. In statistic, the higher the confidence level, the less precise you are!
Doctor could always be wrong in their diagnosis, and healing is often in God's hand even you go through extensive treatments! And life or death, troubles or confidence would not be always be equal to our beliefs nor our faith in God. We should know this by our hearts now, but yet in ministry we always overlook. It is like when we are in deliverance service, a person who is full of tears, we tend to take him or her as confessing or being acknowledge of evil past. Not likely, that could be tears of joy. When someone hold his or her fist tight, it could be a spiritual warfare, it could also be a dedication to strive for the Lord!
I think that is why God wants me to study public health before I enter Japan. He is giving me a new light in the scripture, and challenging me to learn that I had not gave all that I had eventhough I thought so.
Our behavior is a reflection of what we perceive. It is perspective that induce judgment. We can make many repeated mistakes, when we face problems on the field. I.e. Japan. We made judgment before we knew it, beware! Our perspective and biases could be so "biblical" in our eyes. My heart! Rejoice in God, keep Trust! Be guided and guarded by the Holy Spirit!
Lord, help me! I don't want to make such mistakes, because I feel the pain in wronging others, and apologies could be too hard in times. Help me to see through you, and speak through you. For my tongue is uncontrolled, and it speaks evil without me being able to catch it. Ignorance would be the major cause of this. Lord, give me the wisdom and love to love you and to obey you in truth and joy and peace!
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