" dear sister, learn to plan -- if you fail to plan, you plan to fail. " A caring elder sister in Christ told me this morning as she found out my needs in searching for an accommodation.
"planning"... seems like a jargon word to me.
If "planning" is about counting the cost, I had. If "planning" is about seeing which move is the best, and get things ready before the next move, then I had not done so.
If I have planned, I wouldn't be coming to Hong Kong. I would go to US instead to earn a scholarship, and still do public health. But sometimes, it is just so hard for me, to plan in advance, I always turned my eyes to my strength and abilities, what I have, rather than what He has done for me, and thus what He has in me was not seen. Planning, can't really put that away, unseen, but you felt most secure for deep down in my heart, I know that He will provide. He is honest, faithful and trustable. So, as I am convinced that I should go, what I needed to do is only trust and obey, and GO.
I'm afraid that there is a sound of "laziness" in this matter, putting everything in God's hand....... but somehow I just felt that is what He intended me to learn. I had been always taking care of myself, doing appropriate planning, I was a good event planner, always have alternate plans for each events. Plan A, plan B, plan C, and I was such a perfectionist, that I wanted to plan everything. But for Heart4Japan, or to prepare myself in Hong Kong in the area of Public Health, I didn't plan. I couldn't, for me myself had to spend a year to figure why and how I ended up this way. It was too quick, everything happened just in a second, but I was greatly convinced that was the right thing to do at that moment. There is a peace to continue to follow His plans rather then trying to figure out what His plans are going to be.
During the four months in Malaysia, to be honest, I always struggled if I have to come back. Thinking about what it is going to be......and thinking about having to have the whole scene replay in this semester was enough to make me sick. I knew I would have no place to stay when I come back, I felt I will be too weak to go through this. However, thinking about it, and remembering His goodness, seeing the growth of the ministry, and seeing so many had been touched, and revived for their love and calls to Japan, the excitement grew! And I knew that He would have a good reason for me, as I need to go through this... One of that, perhaps it was being advised, "Plan! Learn to plan!"
Planning... I did count the cost, and I knew I wouldn't be able to pay for it. But, somehow strange enough, there was a peace in me, encouraging me to pursue the dream. A dream to be soar with Him, and just trust Him. So, as I counted the cost, I saw what it had to take...... I still have no solutions, but yet time was running out. It was either to complete the study, obeying the call, trusting Him in advance, or to quit and serve the Lord back home, knowing that He will still loves me and provides me even if I chose to avoid Heart4Japan or staying alone in Hong Kong to accept the training.
I guess, going to Japan will be even tougher. The experience in Hong Kong will give me that strength to stand firm in Japan later.
I really thank God for such precious advice, for I know this person really loves me and she had spoke through her experiences. I chose a difficult road to tread. Research is again a jargon for me. I'm not that academic brilliant, and doing research is really killing in little guidance that I could have.
Again, the Japanese culture is so different from mine, and sometimes I just feel so scare......
Till here, I have great peace, more than ever. I miss home, I don't really know how to plan, but there is a peace to wait and trust.
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