The doctors and nurses surrounded me kept throwing me tons of questions, and one thing that they were really concerned was if I have any family members in Tokyo, and if there is any friend that will be with me for the whole course. That prompted me to think if I really need an operation, or warded. I began to imagine the inconvenience and difficulties without someone being by my side.
Maki, my best friend who accompanied me to the emergency was left alone outside the cold and dark corridor while all these were happening inside the little emergency ward. Poor and kind Maki was having so many datelines, and she herself was suffering bladder infection too. As they moved me to CT scan, I realized that I might need to be warded, and I wanted to tell Maki to go back to the lab. Maki rushed to my side as she saw them pushed me out from the emergency room, thinking if they were sending me for operation. She then heard me murmuring to the doctors (doctors from different specialties came at different time, repeating the same questions, some doubts if I was able to understand and answer them in Japanese, I was trying my best effort to answer the questions although I was numbed by the pain) with my eyes closed, and she felt relieved and laughed, no one talks as much as Roseline, she thought... then while I was pushed inside the CT scan room, I started to vomit. Maki heard it from afar, and she went back to the place and saw no one, and she knew it must be Roseline that was vomiting. This part of the story became one of our favorite, or Maki's favorite when she illustrates my situations to our colleagues. I love it too, it becomes a good laugh in our miseries.
When they released from the emergency ward, it was almost seven in the evening. It was so dramatic as after 4 hours of struggling with such severe pain, and I was released from the ward, as if the pain was a put of of a show in order for a thorough investigation. Then the doctor explained to me with the CT, that my pain was due to nothing else but the compression of two large myoma (fibroids) in my womb. That seems to explain many things: seemingly bladder infection that was not getting better with antibiotics, heaviness and pelvic pain, pressure in lower abdomen, heavy menstruation etc. She prescribed Acetaminophen to suppress the pain for the weekend, and advised me to ring the hospital if I have sudden and uncontrollable pain again, then return to the clinic for further check up on Monday.
Fearing that I might get into trouble again by traveling in the cramped train, Maki insisted if there could be someone to accompany me back to Kashiwa from Hongo, which takes almost an hour and a half ride. Thank God we found Liu Feng, another friend who commute in between both campus, was still in Hongo at that time. He accompanied me back to Kashiwa, and though I thought it was not very much necessary in the beginning, had turned out to be an incredible help for me to get back to the place where I stay. Then only after that I realized that Liu Feng actually had an appointment in Tokyo in the evening, which after he sent me back, he went back to Tokyo again. I am in great gratitude towards my friends for their great love and that they had really sacrificed their time to help me.
Another terrible two days had gone, and I began to find the rhythm of the pain and possible trigger factors to it. On monday, the doctor prescribed me a MRI scan, and changed the Acetaminophen to Ibuprofen. To prevent any possible serious pain, I began to pop Ibuprofen like sweets, 3 times a day, as long as I uncomfortable with the compression. On Wednesday, I did a urography with dye to detect obstruction and the size and shape of the bladder. The IV drip this time did not cause nausea, but the wound caused by the fat needle that hooked on the vein of my antecubital fossa took more than 4 days to recover this time. After the scan, the doctor made an effort to see me, and explained to me about the results of the MRI and urography imaging. It was confirmed that the large myoma had taken the whole space and the uterus expanded so much that had causing the compression to the stomach and pelvic bones, where another myoma had grown side way, and pressed on the ureter that caused this swelling of the kidney. However to our surprise, the size of the myoma were far bigger than she thought, and now she was worried if I could have the microscopic surgery in due course.Hormone therapy is prescribed and will take place on July 27. Surgery is scheduled in November, and we will see how much the fibroids would shrink until then. :-)
Some friends had expressed their concerns about my situation, and I guess that the prayer had been more fervent since. I would wish to express my thankfulness to everyone who is concern. Some had said, do not worry about the fibroids, well... aside of being astonished by the event, and the traumatized feelings of imagining surgery with more readings, in fact I am happy and relieved to find out the causes of all these ill feelings that I have been bearing for a while. Especially when I find out that the extra weight that I am carrying is reducible :-) and I would probably be in a better shape after the removal of the fibroids ^^. My concerns are more about the pain and inconvenience that caused by the fibroids and the following treatment course, that affects my mobility. I have to take leave from school to reduce the physical stress of traveling. So far, God had always proved his generosity in giving me extra grace and strength when there is a mission going on. The trip to the volunteer work in Ishinomaki was successful on Saturday, and when the team decided to send us back to the Kashiwa Lodge on Saturday midnight definitely helped my situation too.
The reason that I disclose all these information was not to seek pity from you, nor to humiliate myself. As I always trust that being a missionary should be transparent enough in everything that I do if possible, and as this blog had always remained a site of experience learning for future missionaries, as well as a part of my spiritual journey. It will be great if you would like to pray for me, and knowing what exactly I am facing, so that you enjoy being a partner in this spiritual battle of a global mission. Shalom.
Aside from praying for the healing and reduce of the impacts of side effect, there are several things that I am working on and need His grace upon me:
1. the transfer of lodge, from Chiba prefecture back to Tokyo. (hopefully within walkable distance to school/hospital)
2. the completion of the social phobia paper.
3. the completion of application of ethical approval for new projects on hikikomori.
4. my work with the young people (somehow I have been delaying in replying emails, looking into things as I used to be... I am much slower these days, and not being very concentrate of things)
5. the possible and best fulfillment in discussion and working with young people in Akita.
6. the possible fulfillment of studies in Suicide prevention center in Beijing in September prior or post conference.
7. the possible reconnect with the students/young people that I had been working with in Hong Kong after the Beijing trip.
8. I need to start writing my hikikomori paper again as soon as possible.
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