I had a severe back pain that caused me to collapse after teaching in KBI, then I was immobile for a several days before I was able to walk again by myself and headed on to Tokyo by Shinkansen on Monday, that was Jun 15.
I wasn't able to move even an inch of the lower part of my body because of the pain. As I prayed to the Lord to take away the pain, this verse came to me, "My grace is sufficient for you." Then I thought I would probably be in that position forever as I thought about the accident that Joni Eareckson had.
I knew exactly the reason why I had suffered that pain: I had been traveling too long with extra loads on my back, physically and spiritually. My body had decided to protest and some parts of my body decided not to response. As I realized how serious it could be, I couldn't help by tears kept streaming down. I checked myself if there was any regret, but my heart was in perfect peace. I will still carry the materials with me, and I will still distribute the materials wherever I go. If there is no one that will help me to carry the loads, I will still carry it. If there is an invitation to share about the visions of Heart4Japan, I will still go. If there is an invitation to share the knowledge of Hikikomori and suicide, I will still go. The Lord said, "reserve these three months for Japan", then that should be, regardless whatever it takes. And that was the perfect timing to collapse, for the benefit of both KBI students and me. For the KBI students, they will probably never forget the lessons about Hikikomori and Suicide that day. For me, I fell into the hands of a group of experts (people who suffered back pain before, nurse, ambulance man, acupuncturist), and of course many prayer warriors to intercede on my behalf. Imagine if I fell a day before or a day after, I would probably be on the street....... Yet, there was a great sorrow when I thought I would never be able to dance and sign again in worship as I used to do.
In His perfect peace, I was able to walk again after putting myself in His great healing hands. I also survived seven hours of journey, with approximately 10 hours of sitting and reached home on June 18. All the dates were significant to me, as June 11, 15 and 18 marked the days when my father had an terrible accident, and finally left us to HOME. Remembering these days as I spent my time dealing with handicap humbled and encouraged me.
Now, it had been almost two weeks since I reached home. The condition of my back is improving each day. I managed to sit for a 4 hours exam on last Saturday, and managed to sit through the Sunday Services. God is GOOD!
My back is still pain, yet He is keeping me. Some friends had felt that this is a warning sign that God sent me, so that I will know when to take rest. ^^ I'm not sure if that's true... a warning sign?
Yes, yes, I will rest, and God had already signaled to me that I will take a long rest after the trip to Japan even before I went. Yet, taking a rest does not mean that it will be rightful not to response to His call because my physical health is weak. Yes, I have a weak back, I can't drive, I can't sit for long hours at the moment, it will not hold me from keep sharing the work of the Lord in Japan. If He calls me, this will not hold me from spending time to prepare any work that is needed for this course. Instead of just simply seeing this as a warning sign to the binge of my health, perhaps, we should see that He is calling His people into His service. It is time for more people to step in, to share the burden in Heart4Japan. My advice is: PRAY and SEEK for His heart and His will for Japan as a Father, and He will guide your steps! I don't head Heart4Japan, Jesus does. That's what I felt about this incidence.