Results of prayers and Urging for prayers

Reports of the results of your prayers

Teaching and fellowship on hikikomori and Heart4Japan
In both August and September, we had some guests in Japan to learn about hikikomori and Heart4Japan. There were good times in sharing and praying together for His work in Japan. Praise God, amen.

Then on the last few days in August, we had a series of hikikomori events including 光希屋構想説明会 (a small conference for vision on building a Hikikomori project), the last session of "Change" workshop, field trip to visit different support stations, and a farewell party for Midori. An encouraging result from the "Change" workshop, the anxiety/depression level reduced with a consistent attendance to the workshop, which mark a good mile stone for a start in CHANGE. Please continue to pray for the members involved.

Strengthening course and skill
In the 2nd week of August, I went up to Iwate, Yamada town with HGPI, the think-tank group, for an interpretation work on disaster relief effort. The work was very benefiting, that helped me to understand the course further.

In the 4th and 5th week of August, I attended a series of workshop about Prolonged Exposure in PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder) treatment. The workshop and course helped me to understand PTSD further and a lot of other issues that involve avoiding behavior, numbness of feelings, and what does it mean about losing interest and sense of limiting future.

This week, I have an intense internship with different mental health facilities, learning about how the support of the facilities and how people cope with difficulties in life with such assistances. The internship this week helps me to gain an insight of how to run the hiki project (光希屋構想）that we are planning in the future.

Proceeding of the social phobia paper
The Lord had blessed me with two excellent editors to help me with my social phobia paper. A paper that had dragged for about one and a half year now since beginning of the analysis. I am now in the final stage of submitting it to the journal. Please continue to uphold me in your prayers.

His honor
The Lord had gave me a part-time job in helping a professor in another university to edit his papers. With His grace, both paper were accepted for publications. The latest was chosen for the focus topic of the month, and now he left to US to run an academic tour for the published subject. Hallelujah!!! The professor credited it to my work in helping him to improve his paper. But the Lord has more for me with that. This event was very encouraging to me, as I was on the binge of losing confidence of my research/comprehension/writing skills...... (because the long drag of effort in trying to publish my own papers)

Counting His blessings
So far, the Lord had blessed me with a lot of His gifting of good people, grace and success in the things that he laid on my hands. The most amazing gains in these two and a half year in Japan, i. the improvement of my Japanese comprehension and conversational skill, ii. friendships with the Japanese people, iii. trust and improvement of the social isolated people that I work with. Being a part of the effort in the rehabilitation of social withdrawn people is nevertheless the most encouraging event for me. Though I am still always having the thoughts that I am not being effective enough, I will try to remember that it takes time for things to happen, where I am now at a milestone and I should always surrender myself and my work into his hand and not try to rush.

Areas that I need your prayers:
I am hoping that you can commit the prayers for at least 3 - 4 months from now. 
(if you may, please form small groups to pray for me as you remember Heart4Japan and His work in this land)

Health
After 8 months of operation on the uterus fibroids, I still often feel the tricks of "hormones imbalance". When it attacks, I will have hot flush, depression and insomnia. Yet my brain will also be super alert, which provides me energy to work, but will often end in exhaustion.

PhD work
From July onwards, there were also another project going on that related with my PhD course.
I started to collect the data for Internet Addiction study after 9 months of preparation of the questionnaire. Then, I started the analyses from end of July. The Lord again had granted me kind and reliable people to help me to learn statistical skills (which the subject that I always feel helpless) to proceed with the analyses. There were a lot of ups and downs in playing with the figures....... As I was convinced that I did see a pretty good result that may suggest a practical implication for the study, I presented it to my professor yesterday, and he told me that was not the major result for this study, and he didn't see much usefulness of the finding. (; - ;) ....... this is depressing....................


I just realized that to earn my PhD degree by next March....
From now,
I would need to summit the title and page and selection of panels by 7 days,
finish my first draft by 40 days,
submit the complete draft by 60 days,
set up my presentation file by 80 days,
attend oral defense by 90 days,
paper review by 110 days.

I haven't started a single word,
analyses are still far away from completion.
Logic of course still need to be strengthened...............


I remember every time when I was writing my thesis (bachelor work, master thesis), I always felt  endless struggle with pain and depression. I guess this is "academic blues".... :-)


However, even I understand that this is quite common and usual with many people who are at the end of their academic courses, I just want to be very honest with my feelings, and make a humble gesture in asking you to pray with me in these areas.
Please pray for :
1. wisdom in learning statistic tools, and understanding
2. His hands on me
3. I will feel the presence of Lord every second in this project
4. the relationship between my professor and me: trust and support
5. the relationship between all my instructors and me
6. excellent time management
7. sharpness in His spirit in analyzing the findings
8. confidence (I am losing confidence)
9. determination
10. calm
11. no other distractions (e.g. financial stability, good interpersonal relationship, continuous love/trust/support from the hikikomori and people that I work with, etc)
12. Selection of panels ( the academic committee for the oral defense, I will select 7, they will will take 2-3 out of my list, and the faculty will assign another 3 professors to the panel) expertise and kindness.



RJC (Reaching Japanese for Christ)

I was still praying about the invitation to RJC conference next February in Seattle, for the workshop on Hikikomori. 

There were a few things in concern, 

1. time 

2. finance

I would love to go, as I would no longer live in Japan as a student, but most likely to start my full time missionary work on hikikomori. It would be a good time to share vision, encourage others, and gain support. 

But then, as it would be a new season, finance is extra crucial. 

We are planning for a hikikomori project that would incurred a huge amount of fund, just try to start something that will ease the rehabilitation of hikikomori, setting up bridges for them to re-engage with the society.  But traveling is expensive. And if I travel, I would like to have them to come with me. 

The deadlines with the thesis submission make the trip to RJC seems impossible. 

I am now praying instead of 2013, maybe we should go in 2014. 

and hopefully we would have started something by then, and have more practical things to share and teach. 

Please pray together with me in making the decision. 

May He gives me a clear direction.

Hikikomori paper

I have submitted the hikikomori paper to the Journal of Quality Research of Health in July, and there is still no feedback yet. My friend told me some journals take about 4 - 6 months for peer reviews. Please pray with me for the success of the peer reviews, and publication. The voices of the hikikomori had long dueled to make known to the world. 

Discovering TALENT in HIKIKOMORI - 1

An Original Art done by Y-kun, a hikikomori now coming to his 40. His mom died of cancer few years back, he stayed alone with his dad and his sister. He never made eye-contact when he talked. I thought he was probably mentally challenged at the first glance. YET.....

H said, 違うよ、Y君は優しいよ。絵うまいし〜　

Then the Lord led me to the inner world of this man, by showing me his piece of art. 

This piece of art always strikes me when I look at it.

The art itself speaks about the life in a rural small town in Japan. The drawing is about 6 ft long, hung on a wall of the house of an artist who volunteers himself in the hikikomori outreached. He certainly admires it, yet undervalued it. (This piece of art could make a huge impact in at least 2 fields, one in the support of disable/underprivileged, another one is perhaps the school.) Imagine if Y is channeled probably to the right KEY person, he could have live a different life.

It maybe difficult for you to imagine,

the damage that a long withstand isolation brought along to the victim.

Someone may like to think that hikikomori could be a golden period of reflecting self, yet when it gets longer, you stuck with the stagnancy!

Without the right RESOURCE,

God-gived timing,

there is no way out!

If only I have the RIGHT contact,

if only I have the hikikomori FUND,

if only I have the full support from PEOPLE,

I could build a house,

I could build an exhibition hall,

I could build an office,

to work out a PLACE for the hikikomori,

a place called HOME,

a place that can allow them to try and error of their potentials

a place that opens up a conversation

a place to learn TRUST and HOPE.

pray with me!

Need Prayers for 2 Things Concerning the Work on Hikikomori

Dear Friends,

Need your prayers for those who are concerns about the work with hikikomori!
2 things going on at present:

1. the hikiya 光希屋 project, a project that hopes to get the social withdrawn youths to "initiate" something on their own, to experience challenges that require them to be on their feet. (will explain more later hopefully by Sep)

We will need:-
 i) a place to do that, please pray for sponsors!
ii) the social withdrawn youths who are involve will be lifted up by the Holy Spirit, as there will be physical and psychological barriers where the enemy is definitely using those as schemes against them.
It is amazing that there are some people who are willing to "dream", I need your prayers to uphold them! "Openness" and "Trust" are the keys, which are coming forth, but still far to go.

2. I have sent a paper to Qualitative Health Research on July 17, and they are slow in responding. The report is a result of the effort in these 5 - 6 years working with hikikomori. I owe them this. Their voices need to be heard. There are many more reasons that the paper need to be published, including if I can continue to be of a position to work with these people in the way that I am working now.

The study attained a lot of attention of peers in the field, some senior editors, but the paper never went through the junior editors on the reasons that the focus of the topic was not of their interest. Most feed back that they were hoping that I could revised it in a way that fits the current theory. But that is not my intention in this study. I figured out the response was out of poor understanding and misconception of this topic. The rejection may due to 3 main reasons: i.) my poor presentation, ii.) the bias of the editor, iii.) my reluctance to appeal. 

Would this also be the devil scheme? I don't know. I see a lot of obstacles and hindrances these years while working in this area, sometimes it nearly kills me, sometimes it makes me depressed. But at the same time, the Lord opens doors and enables me to due with the impossibles. I am also getting a bit anxious, as my study visa is coming to an end by next March. Where should I go, and how should I work with the Japanese will become an issue. While continue to have faith in God is one point, having at least some assurance of being able to continue to work in the field is another point. Without published papers, it is difficult to get a teaching nor research position in the institutions.

Please pray with me.
Please share with me if the Lord tells you something. Sometimes, I might miss out what He says. Thank you, and lots of love.


Peace,
Rose

System

It is strange to me that it is only in the 3rd year that I began to feel strange with "systems" in Japan. Systems that are supposed for people are not for people but for the black and white paper rules. What was supposed to be good, and was set up to assist people to overcome problems, becomes a "job" that only function well with the written "manual". Though the technology is so advance in Japan, that a suica/passmo can be tabbed in whatever way and you still get through the gate as long as there is enough balance. Yet the system to assist people has not give any thoughts towards outliers, where the outliers actually represents a real need. It just doesn't work.

For example, in a requirement of a certain position, you may be overqualified in experience with what they are looking for, but your resume will never be considered if the system considered some other technical issues. No particular concern will be paid to your qualifications nor experience nor your passions. Another example is about scholarships. The system actually sets age-limit as well, the system decides who is a scientist, but not the passions of the students, nor the value of research topic.  Exemption of school fees is a system that set up to facilitate people with financial difficulties, yet the decision will be made according to the income in previous year rather than the actual income and the expenses to be made this year. Therefore a 1st year student with a handsome scholarship gets an exemption of school fees, where a final year student without a scholarship has to pay in full. There is no way to appeal, no windows for you to talk, because the system said no reverse decision should be made after a decision is made. A student help center is set-up for you to "talk" about your problems, rather than set up to help you overcome the problems. The dormitory is given to a student with handsome scholarship and is rejected to another student with no scholarship, and when you check with them because you are pretty sure that in you are qualified with the prerequisite, yet the staffs will tell you that everything follows the system, and that there will be no change.  Customer service appeared to be a job, it doesn't originate from a serving attitude.
 

I could even remember when a travel company called me to clarify my attendance and payment to a tour, and my Japanese friend was furious with those comments that they made. I was surprised with his impatience, but then now I think I can grab the reason behind his frustrations after I myself have to deal with the customer service people. I began to understand the "kindness" and the "kind act" works only within the system. Then I slowly realized perhaps that is the reasons why many Japanese are indifferent with systems, policies, and often react in a cold way.  I may probably come to understand the theory behind of social isolation, social indifference on a more human basis, if I happened to see and deal with these things more often. (and I hope I will have the wisdom from above to skillfully deal with situations, and hopefully the avoidance attitude in me will not be deepened. )


A research finding from a friend disclosed that areas with higher trust has higher suicide rate. It should be interpreted very carefully, if the trust refers to trust towards the system? or the trust towards man? I realized this about a year ago, that the word "trust" about system is an ambiguous word, which it might not has anything to do with interpersonal trust. The system said that is it, and that is the system. If the system says that certain people gets help, then certan people gets help. That is the trust that they are referring. But do they trust the system will actually offer real help when they are in real difficulties? In fact, many people who needs help do not turn to the system. So, what does trust really means?


Note: probably understanding the system is crucial for ministry. There may be a need to make a decision to fight the system, or to skillfully work within the system. What would Christian penetration be?

A note of thanks

I would like to say thank you to everyone who had invested and investing in my life, though you may think that you gift is small, but you encouraged me by your anonymity, your love, your prayers, and I believe whatever the Lord had touched you to give, is definitely sacrificial and pleasing in His eyes. God bless you!!!

I will update you again soon about my work here in Japan, stay tune!

Thoughts to ponder about......

Tentmakers are more of spreading God's words through relationship making, as well as life testimony. However sometimes, I can be very "preachy". Talking about Jesus and hikikomori had become my habit, sometimes it could seems nice, but sometimes these could be "noises", causing people to be defensive. Just today, a friend was angry that I kept talking about Jesus. He was sharing with me about some ideas, and as usual I related these ideas to what I believe.  He was tired, and felt bombard. He said he dislike the concept of religion, and he didn't want to have one, and many people are approaching him from different religions and backgrounds. I heard about some stories that he went through, and it was really ridiculous, and often they are "Christian brand".  He said, (also a rather fair comment also made by an experienced Japanese pastor, that I am too "noisy" with my Jesus stories, which he was surprised why I had not experienced much trouble by doing that in the laboratory), "Your life had testified much about God, and it is often that I can sense and make clear that there is God through your faith. You don't need to speak about it, its not necessary." But I also have this compulsive act/thought that I MUST talk about Jesus, which I can't help much...... and I acted more aggressively when people tell me that "I can believe in God, but not Jesus, because I don't want a religion" like emphasizing what I believe which the person may had heard more than ten times from me... :-p

SO,  I do breach the rules of being a Tent-maker unfortunately.... 

I used to take defensive acts that I encountered as a spiritual warfare.

BUT today after talking to one of my friend, I learned something...

This friend is an Austrian, and he used to be hikikomori for about 3 years. Even before his total withdrawn, he never really make any contacts with his classmates during his school time. He called himself misanthropy. I met him in his 3rd year of hikikomori, and we shared about our principles in lives and values. Soon after that, he took his first challenged. He applied for a job, went for interview and got it. I convinced him to get a bible then, we moved on to online bible study once a week, though he always claim that he wouldn't believe in God. Then, this evening I was surprised that when he told me he shared about Jesus with his colleagues and took his bible out and pointed to them for what the holiday seasons in Europe means. He said he did it for fun, but it was a real SURPRISE and encouraging change for me. The clue in all his changes, was that he said he never felt that I was pushing him, but he made his own decisions. He always took my opinions positively, and made a step ahead himself. He is now reaching out to other hikikomori friends that he meets online, and convince them that they should get out of their home and start working. His story encouraged me the best!

He told me this evening that he was attacked by his sister's hamster. 

He tried to take away the hamster's toilet, and then the hamster jumped on to his finger and bit him. He bled for 15 minutes. 

I guess he was probably trying to clean the toilet, but the hamster felt that something is going to change, and it didn't want it. OR maybe it was afraid of the change. It didn't know my friend. My friend P, was just taking care of it in his sister's absence. Though my friend fed him, but defensing what you are familiar with, is basic instinct of living creatures. 

So, what happened this evening was probably an act of defense rather. I was telling my friend A, that I believe that Jesus will take one step at a time, to replace the negative substance with positive substance in him. Then, he questioned me why must I always talk about Jesus, and why can't this take place naturally. Perhaps it was not "Jesus" that offended him, but rather the thoughts of "needing to change" that irritates him (though he himself wanted a change).... I am pondering on this now.... Yet, what he questioned was also valid, as "why can't this take place naturally?" 

There are many non-Christians that changed, and treatments, as well as other faith had released people from depression.... so "Jesus Changing Life" is a catching phrase for us who had experienced and tasted His goodness! We know no others but Him. But when there are people who are exposed to other similar phrases with other religions/faiths/treatment, being taught that religions are useless, or does more harm than good.... HOW could we distinguish Jesus from these things? THAT again is a life learning course for many missionaries in the field, I believe......

I want to invite you to ponder with me on this!!! Its' fun to think and reflect!!!

Please feel free to SHARE with me of what you think! (^_~)  OR

How would you handle this situation?

Thank you! GOD BLESS!!!

Remember Mar 11, 2:46pm

Let's remember Japan together on this day, Mar 11 (3/11) 2:46pm (Japan time). 


Do join us in prayers, at your place, spend a minute or more at that specific time if possible.


Let us raise our hearts and hands together to the Mighty Lord of heaven, for Him to grant us the peace in this land, restore His people, and may He reach out to the orphans and homeless! 


There is a little movement going on here, where we will raise our voices together, theme "Amazing Grace". May the Lord bless you, and lead us all into His glory. Amen.

an urgent prayer request!

A japanese girl that I went out last night with is missing. She hasn't gone home last night. 

I merely caught the second last train back home, and she seemed to had called home at about 11.30pm, informing that she was on her way back.

It seems that her phone is out of battery, and all calls directed to rusuban (voice mail)

the father had called the police. 

We were out for a music session and chat last night, and God is certainly has an eye on her I believe. There was about 1 hours of discussion about mental distress and having faith in God to stir the wheel in our lives. She told me at the platform as we went on to the train, that she went to a Christian pre-school, and though she is not a believer, but the practices had a huge impact on her, and whenever she is down, she remembers. 

Do pray for her SAFETY!

and may God bring her back SAFE!

May God bless you as you pray, Thanks!

CHANGE

CHANGE workshop

In another 19 hours, we will have our first hiki workshop this year in
Tokyo, theme "CHANGE". It should be a commitment of 5 months (one month
once), with the aim of using mind-map in getting to the root of the
problem, and fix it.

The workshop is meant for those who wish to change, and for those who are
at a cross road. We have 4 participants right now excluding me. Each of
them had some sort of experience with Christians or Church, yet
non-believers. Some are at particular down mood. I hope that this session
will be a great time of sharing and that they will change for better (and I
will change for better too).

Please keep them in prayers, and keep me in your prayers! May I have the
wisdom of the Lord, and may Holy Spirit at work before, at and after the
session.

Love, Rose

Tohoku Weekend Trip Continued.......

"24 HOURS IN TOHOKU" - WHAT A DIFFERENCE ONE DAY MAKES!


「東北に２４時間」 - たった一日でも、本当にたくさんのことが出来ます！


Please sign up a week earlier if you like to join the trip!
"24hrs in Tohoku" Weekend Schedule ／「東北に２４時間」ボランティア活動スケジュール

=========================================================================

金曜日 Friday : 9:30pm - 10:30pm : CAJから出発。Depart Christian Academy in Japan



土曜日Saturday:



5:00am: 石巻市に到着。Arrive in Ishinomaki City

5:30am: 石巻港を見る/Visit Ishinomaki Port

6:30am: 「ジョイフル」すきやで朝食 / breakfast at “Joyful” (a family restaurant).　 (about 500 yen a person)

8:00am: サマリタンズパース・ボランティアセンターに到着／Arrive at Samaritan's Purse Volunteer Center

8:30am - 12:00noon : ボランティア活動。Volunteer work

12noon - 1:00pm: 昼食 - サマリタンズパースがお弁当を支給。Lunch break - Lunch box provided by Samaritan's Purse.

1:00pm - 3:00pm : ボランテイィア活動。Volunteer work

3:00pm : ボランテイィア活動を終了/End the day's Volunteer activities

3:30-4:00 pm: 東京へ出発。RAで休暇をとる。Depart for Tokyo, stop in rest stops along the way

10:30-11:00pm: ＣＡＪ駐車場に到着（朝霞台（東武東上線）・北朝霞（ＪＲ武蔵野線）経由 Return to CAJ Parking Lot via Asakadai (Tobu Tojo Line)/Kita-Asaka (JR Musashino Line).



途中で　（10:00-10:30pm）、東武東上線の朝霞台駅／武蔵野の北朝霞駅（同 じ駅）に一部の参加者を降ろします。Around 10:00-10:30pm), we drop off some participants at Kita Asaka station, Musashino line /Asakadai station, Tobu Tojo Line. These 2 stations are side-by-side.

14. 家に帰れない方は、東久留米の作本さんの家で一泊できます。出来るだけ11:00pm迄にCAJに到着する予定にしていますが、交通事情によりますので、確約は出来ません。東久留米にある家に宿泊希望される方はお申し出ください。Those with no means to get home can spend the night at the Sakumotos' house in Higashi Kurume. Let us know if you will need this service. Of course we try to arrive by 11:00 at CAR, but this is not guaranteed.

Hospital Journal 入院日記

Nov 4, 2011 (Friday)
I spent an overnight in the office so that I could work while waiting for mom. Needed to get her at the airport by 7.30am, needed to get a train by 6.10am at Ueno.


Nov 5, 2011 (Saturday)
Still working...
grabbed last piece of note from the printer at 5.30am, and ran to Ueno station, cutting through the University Hospital... gate was closed. I looked at the board helplessly, it said, "Gate open at 6am". No time to run back for another way... I climbed over the fence, and started running. I didn't know the shortcut cutting through the Ueno Park, so I decided to use the long way... fearing missing train, I ran my lung out.
My record from my department to Ueno station, 20 minutes. I got on to the train.

Mom arrived Narita.
The luggage was fulled with herbs and things for me. We pulled the heavy luggage home, reached home by about 11am.

We both tried to rest for a while. Then we went out for a gathering with friends, the theme was ART Therapy that evening. T went with us. I had a long chat with T that day. Friends made some special Japanese candies for mom. Mom loves that gathering, it was indeed fruitful evening.

mom's first painting

T's first painting

My first painting

  


Nov 6-7, 2011 (Sunday - Monday)
Mom and me went outing.
The Lord blessed us with amazing sceneries that even the tour guide was amazed for he seen it for the first time after so many trips. The rainy weather drew out hundreds of waterfalls, and amazing huge rainbows. When we reached the mountain top, the usual misty view became clear, and we were able to see miles away. The grumpy tour guide became excited.

rainbow in the morning at Nagano

立山

Nov 8, 2011 (Tuesday)
I went back to school to work. Mom stayed at home to rest. I had seminar presentation the next day, confused, feared, terrible experience. Again another untouched new field. Getting sick....
There was one more thing that I wanted to do, even though I couldn't make hikikomori as my PhD, I wanted to present my work on hikikomori, I wanted my colleagues to know, and I wanted to call on people's attention of what should be done.


Nov 9, 2011 (Wednesday)
Prof. thrown me harsh questions in the morning session. I didn't understand what he really want. But I felt that I needed to correct something in the presentation, praying, working, praying... mom was there with me. She began to witness the process of the making of the presentation. Maki tried to comfort me, I couldn't stop my tears. It must be the fault of the medication.

I did a successful presentation, according to my colleagues, through not much updates or practical procedures. I was amazed of my appeared calmness during presentation. God must have been there with me. We had a celebration party after that, for the birthday stars, the pregnant moms, the finished of my presentation, and so many others... I was like a dead fish after that, Mieko rewarded me with a great massage.


Nov 10 - 12, 2011 (Thursday - Saturday)
In Tokushima for the Child Mental Health conference.
I learned so much.
Yet, still in depression.
Got in touch with a few great teachers, yet I couldn't write anything.
Received an email replied by Prof. Osada, became clearer with some set in ideas. Grateful.

A river that runs through Tokushima City, reminded me about Melaka.

The Statue of Awa Odori (Awa Dance)

Nov 12, 2011 (Saturday)
Reached home at about 8pm. Mom cooked.
Still depressed.


Nov 13, 2011 (Sunday)
Brought mom to school again, get ready some notes to study during my leave.
Took pictures, made maps for mom, trying the best to secure her not to get lost.
Felt so uncertain, took courage to send an email to a few friends from Malaysia, hoping that some may be nice enough to offer help in taking care of mom while I am hospitalized.
Michael responded immediately, thanks God.

We took a walk to Ueno Park and Ameyoko.

mom at Ueno Park

Nov 14, 2011 (Monday)
Admitting to hospital.
So many procedures... briefing, discussions with doctors and nurses.
I began to learn that this is a rare chance to learn about procedures for admitting into a hospital, operations etc, as first hand experience.

I continued to paint, as a part of the art therapy experience. If it would be effective, I would introduce this to my peers in Akita. The medical staffs were very surprised at my drawings.

Michael came to visit me in the evening, helped mom with a place to stay while waiting for my procedure tomorrow. I had more peace in mind.


Nov 15, 2011 (Tuesday)
At 6am, the nurse woke us up.
While waiting, I drew another two pictures.
Michael came with my mom at 7.30am.
The doctor pushed me to the operation room, Mom and Michael bid me goodbye.

I remembered that the doctor put an oxygen mask on me, in a few breathe, I was back to the ward.
The time in the operation room was lost.
Without knowing when and how they opened up on me, it was finished with pain.
The medical staffs tried to talk to me, I couldn't remember much.
But I guess I saw mom, she was worried, and probably some friends was around her.
Pain, was all I could remember.

the ward

Nov 16, 2011 (Wednesday)
The nurse practiced walking with me... pain... yet we tried...
We managed to walk for 4 meters.
The nurse was very caring and kind, she praised my effort, and gave me comfortable words.
When we returned to the bed, she removed the drainage. I had to learn to urine by myself.

I tried to go to the toilet every two hours, knowing that it was always slow for me in re-adapt.
Pain, continued...

The next thing to do after urine was to wait for the gas.
Pain, continued...
Thirst....... no water until the gas escapes successfully from my bowel.
Pain...
Thirst....




I thought I saw Midori at the door, praying for me.




Nov 17, 2011 (Thrusday)
About 10am, I finally farted. Relieved.
I had my first drip of water. Cough began.

I went to talk to the girl next to my bed, hope that she wouldn't get nervous as she saw a terrible me.
Brought her the origami flowers and swan that Midori made.

They brought me my first food, porridge water with miso soup, and an ice-cream!!!
It was the best porridge that I ever had. Guess I finished my food so fast, that I got stomach pain...

pain, continued...

a bouquet of flowers

I began to have visitors.
A friend that I made during the outpatient visit, brought another friend to visit me. Both of them brought me a bouquet of flowers.

All visitors only stayed for about 5-10 minutes.
Even the shortest stay brightened up my life in each visit.

I was able to talk to Midori this time. It was a good time of sharing. She also explained to me how the origami works.

Midori with her origami

Cough continued, the pain continued.....

In midnight, the cough was worse.... I woke up with coughing in every two hours.



Nov 19, 2011 (Friday)
The doctor explained to me what kind of procedures that they have done.
Because of the volume and the size of the fibroid, it was a difficult procedure, but it was a very successful one. (I later learned from another patient that she had an assisted Laparoscopic as hers was 8cm big. I could not hold my praise to the Lord, for mine was shrink to 7cm big, and another one 5cm big)

More people came and visit me. I was happy.

My condition was more stable too. They still brought lunch to my bed.
Friends from Kashiwa came,
Colleagues from my department came,
Friends came,
Juniors came,
In the evening, Jun-kun came too. お久しぶりに~
we had long chat.

My Malaysian friends were all super kind, in helping me to take care of my mom!!! Bringing her back, bringing her for meals, encouraging her with kind words.... what more can I ask?


The cough continued, getting worse.
I realized that the cough was caused by the irritation of the throat, and the location was deeper everytime. It seemed to me that the muscle of my throat was waking up little by little.



Nov 19, 2011 (Saturday)
The cough was really really bad...
I got tired really easily, but I finished another painting.

Subha came to visit, it was a fine good catch up. :-)
Friends from Kashiwa came with a lot of fruits. I was really glad for the time to catch up.

Would discharge tomorrow.
I began to pray for friendship that I built in this place will grow and become fruitful.
May the love of the Lord shines.

Scenery from the hospital canteen

Nov 20, 2011 (Sunday)
Two friends came to help me for discharge.
Zhang and T .
Mom had heavy dose of caffeine last night, and was late this morning. :-)
I took a bath, washed my  hair before discharged.

We took a taxi home.
Zhang helped us to get a taxi.
T came back with us to help out with luggage.
T stayed for lunch.
We chatted more, and began to discover more of his potentials.
T went home in peace.



Nov 21, 2011 (Monday)
Mom urged me to take a walk.
I walked out from the room, made a circle, still feeling pain. Had to go on pills.
The cough finally stopped.

Praise God.



Nov 22, 2011 (Tuesday)
The day of follow up visit in the hospital. (huh? two days after discharged?)
Mom was afraid that I couldn't walk much, she was preparing to call a taxi.
I prayed, and felt that I could handle the walk. Anywhere, I needed to start walking.

The doctor expected me to be fine.
Prof. expected me to hand in the proposal in the beginning of Dec, I needed to be fine.
Able to walk to the train stations by myself was good sign!

The doctor said my wound healed amazingly (非常にきれい).
No trace of remaining fibroid, no water retaining in my stomach.
I past the test.
Plasters were removed. I saw my wounds for the first time.


Now
Now, I am settled to rest at home, work from home, until the next class/seminar on Nov 29.
On Nov 29, another 2 friends that I made in the hospital would be admitted, and have their operation dealed.
Thank you God for granting me fast healing.
Lord, I pray for comfort and peace in the hearts of my 2 friends too.

My depression gets better after the surgery. Now I understood that the pressure and stress while waiting for the procedures made people nervous and depressed unknowingly.


At the end, I deeply felt in debt to whom who had helped us in this journey, including prayers and practical help. Especially to my Malaysian friends who had responded to the appeal, signed up a volunteer sheet to assist my mom in finding her way home: Michael, Lew Ah, Cheryl, Ken, Lin Hui Jeng kae, Keoh Serne, Sofiah, Subha and some others that names that I did not know. May God bless each one of them richly!!!

Updates - November 2011

Concerning Surgery


Thank you for your love and concern and prayers!
The fibroids were reduced in size (13cm - 9cm; 9cm - 7cm), it looks like Laparoscopic itself is enough.
They will poke 4 holes at my tummy.

I donated 400ml blood for myself on Wednesday, and it was the first time that I was put on drips after the blood donation. The doctor said that the drip was to help me to recover asap before the procedure.


Very soon, on Nov 14, I will be admitted.
And on Nov 15, there will be the operation.

A testimony to glorify the Lord! I believe that the Lord is preserving and preparing me for the operation as I find myself at perfect health, blood pressure normal, and no anemic response. (my bp tend to fall on the low side in previous check ups). The doctor thinks that I will be fine in one month. :-)

(with attached is the picture of me after drawing blood on Wednesday)


New Opportunity to Serve

The Lord is opening new door for me to meet up with Christian Academic Scholars! This had been a long yield. I finally get to meet up with a senior of my department, now a professor in Oita prefecture, majoring in mental health, Christian. I am taking the new opportunity to attend the mental health conference in Saga, which is 1.5 hr flight from Toky from Dec 08-12. I am also given an opportunity to share with a church in Saga (Saga and Oita are one of the least reached prefectures in Japan, where people gathered from far for Sunday Service). I will also attend a citizen conference about hikikomori (the social withdrawal). I will be sharing about the outreach support that our church back home had provided for hikikomori, the exploratory intervention (2010 Jan, T-san; and 2010 Dec - 2011 Jan, Y-san). I sense that the Lord is preparing me for this day, and he is preparing me to work with the local churches slowly to assist them in dealing with mental care for their members and neighbors. It will be a slow long process, yet exciting.
Oh yeah... I had a great time in Akita conference! I presented in Japanese. :-) and got a lot of feedback from the field workers. That also led me to the Christian professor that I mentioned above.





Glorifying the Lord!

Another great news to glorify the Lord!
My professor promised to fund for my PhD project(if I managed to satisfy him with the work proposal). Although I still need to bare my own expenses for conferences and hikikomori outreach, yet having a research fund is certainly very much helpful!!! (only one person in a year will get the funding)

Peace
I realize my workload and the schedule do not seem to fit with the preparation for scholarship application, which almost all have the deadlines in Nov and Dec. Anyhow most scholarships limits age below 35, which I have just exceeded, that left me very limited choice. Although a lot of "noises" crept in sometimes on how to get support, monthly or yearly, yet there is no time to waste in thinking about it, for I sense that the Lord is encouraging me to serve more by continuing with my work with the mental distressed, and preparing for new study. Yeah, though I am doing nothing in actively raising support, there is peace, it is like there is an assurance.

Prayer Request:
1. Mom's flight to Tokyo: safe journey.
2. Mom's health in Tokyo, despite of taking care of me.
3. I will extend invitation to friends to visit me in the hospital, so I wouldn't get boring. It will be an exciting trial, as my and a friend had planned to give out origami adding a word of the Lord, to every visitor, staffs and patients in the same room.
4. Pat (from Austria) is having fun, we will have a study group on next Tuesday, Nov 1, he will speak about his hikikomori lifestyle in the past.
5. The due date of my first review report on the new project on Nov 2 morning.
6. My presentation on PhD thesis on Nov 9. (I am hoping to incorporate some personal work, eg. reasoning of my work on hikikomori and church outreach, in the presentation.)
7. Please pray for good encounter during another Children Mental Health Conference in Tokushima prefecture from Nov 10-12.

Me and mom will also attend a mental peer support group on Nov 5.
I am sorry to put mom to work more than just taking care of me, yet she will be a part of the ministry during her whole visit in Japan.

Please pray for Lord's covering on her! Thanks!

Introducing Incubator Ministry HK

Heart4Japan member, Ah Fu is entering her full time ministry from this month. To find out more about the organization that she is serving with, I decided to explore Incubator Ministry on Friday evening, Sep 23. Enjoy!

VIP 国際交流 Watadori & VIP Asia Connection & ISI

CROSS CULTURAL COMMUNITY


2011.09.23 (Fri) 18:00-20:00
Tokyo Musashino Evangelical Free Church


1. Leadership Initiative
2. Introduction with New Issue in the Marketplace

The talk would be in both Japanese and English, international students are welcomed. VIP club provides opportunities to expand your perspectives of the needs and talents wanted in global market. 

Quoting from the very first part of VIP forwarded message:
"Many important changes, especially in the frameworks of politics, technology, and the economy are occurring at a fast pace in our international society. Nations and individuals seem to be trying to find a new basis for their world view, value system, and lifestyle, etc. In this changing age, the International VIP Club provides you with the opportunity to seek eternal truth and chart the future direction of your life and work."

VIP - You are precious in my eyes - Isaiah 43:4

I was personal impressed by the word of Mr. Masaru Aoki, which will be the first presenter on Sep23. He said, "We aim not only to share with you what we need in business world, but we want to hear from the students, what they want, their desires even worries, that could challenge us to think more globally, and thus help to tailor the kind of leadership development program that will in return help the students to bring the constructive ideas and work back to their homeland."

I had an opportunity to overlook the program, it's amazing!
I wouldn't be around in Tokyo at that time, but I would encourage you to go!

Those who are interested, feel free to register with Mr. Aoki, masaru.aoki@dnjonline.org, or Miss Kazue, kazue1486@gmail.com.

About Christian Funeral in Japan.

Throughout the years, many Christian pastors and families in Japan had sufferred the course in having to deal with funerals especially with their church members who are Christians, but the status changed had yet to be accepted by their family members who are non-believers. Limited choices of funeral services, as in Japan, it had been a custom that the temples would handle the funeral. Many missionaries had shared about their concerns and wish to have Christians organization that would help them to take care of the funeral, including negotiating, land of burial, ceremony etc.

A friend had started this ministry called, "Shinai Ceremony神愛セレモニー". The ministry focuses on christians wedding and funeral servies. Looking at the packages that they offer, I realized that this could be the answer to the prayers that people had been praying for.The ministry base in Saitama, they have several connection with people who could offer this service in Kanto area. It would be wise to ask them if they could expand their services to your local areas.

An highlight of their services is berieved/grief counseling, which we often find it difficult with the death of our beloved. My advice is do take a look at their webpage (though in Japanese), get your members who need the service to look at it, I believe it will helps, and much soul comforting. God bless. http://www.shinai-ceremony.org/

A Short Report from Team 10 to Ishinomaki (sponsored by KBF)

On Friday, July 15, we put up a team of ten (Kashiwa Lodge members + friends) to join a volunteer effort up to Ishinomaki with KBF, forming a team of 25 people in total.

The drive took about seven to eight hours with a several stops at the highway rest. I was put in a van with Celine and Bruce and Takahiro so that I have more freedom to stop for washroom in the highway. It was a very nice thought of Eric. 

We didn't sleep but kept each other up by chatting a lot in the vehicle, and that seriously took effect on the second day while we began working. :-)

Before we started working, we drove by the destructed area, and spent sometime there. A huge sign 『がんばろう！石巻』had been set up at the site, and flowers, cans of beers and drinks were placed to remember the dead, and I found a wooden cross was placed there too. I was really glad that Takahiro was able to come along, and while he mentioned to me that what went through his mind at that moment, was the daily life of the people and families that were supposedly there, I was almost sure that this trip would leave an impact in his life and a beneficial one. I hope that he would share this experience to others.

I splited up with the group in Ishinomaki, where they were sent to work at a field above the river, and I spent my time in the volunteer center, trying to find out more about ways to cooperate with the city officials in long term outreach of kokoro no care (mental health care). Even as we considered the Ishinomaki volunteer center as the best organized city effort, I was surprised to find that the volunteers were mostly non locals. The volunteer center explained to me some work that had been done by the local communities and the volunteer organization from Tokyo named Recovery for Japan. I see some certain trace of follow up and work of mental health care. Some of the work that I am planning do repeat with some of the self-initiated events of the locals too. We agreed with each other that in a long term, we do need to pull effort with other volunteer organizations in considering the impact of what we could make out of the limited resource, and the impact of unnecessary retraumatization to the victims in every effort that we do. The unreleased information keeps the kokoro no care for the disaster victims much more difficult. My concern would be if our care would truly reach the disaster victims that were being assigned to the temporary houses. (noted that the people who gets the priority to move into temporary houses are from these areas.  where houses and families were supposed to be located at the mess you see in this picture.)

Again, the information of how many temporary housing were built, the general information of residents, the specific needs are not in link with the volunteer center. It was released in the news around June that there would be about 18 blocks of temporary houses for the disaster victims that could hold about 100 people in Ishinomaki. However, by driving around, and talking with the locals, it seems that there are far more than that. The person in charge advised that I may try to find these information with the city official website, but I am still far from locating the necessary information. Because of the limitation of the information, I hold back my proposal, and was not able to discuss more until I am connected to others who are doing more practical works in the field. 

The taxi driver that drove me from the volunteer center to a nearby shopping mall expressed to me his concern of the elderly people who stay in the temporary houses may not have access to the facilities for daily living especially for those without cars. It was true that if I have to pay 2,180 yen from the volunteer center to the nearby shopping mall, and along the way, with the many temp. housing that I have seen along the way may have serious difficulties pertaining to this issue.  

Jusco, now named AEON, was located at another side of the location in the picture above. According to the locals, it had turned into an evacuee center in the time of tsunami. The taxi driver playfully told me that the place is so huge, and that I would probably lost my way in it. The kind driver spoke in a tohoku dialect, which I could only understand 60% of it when it comes to unfamiliar topics. 

The place was indeed big, and with words around like, "ガンバッペ石巻!" I walked around the shops, to get a feel of the customer flow, and the utilization of the facilities in the mall. The sales girl told me that they certainly have a huge customer flow, especially during the weekend. Then I realized that people from Kesennuma 気仙沼 came over to this shopping mall because this is the nearest mall that they could get after the destruction of the Kesennuma city. The mall gets a lot of residents from surrounding too as the young and old were trying to escape from the heat. 

I was then tired and exhausted, and decided to take a rest at one of the sofa located at the corridors and walk ways, opposite a nail polish store. I dozed off quickly until an old woman sat beside me. I guess I behaved very local, like a school girl, waiting for my parents to come and pick me up in the store. We smiled to each other. Although the mall is with air-conditioning, we were still feeling exhausted from the heat outside the building at the place where we sat. Then, the old woman began to talk to me, complaining about the weather, feeling pity for my exhaustion. And she asked me what I was doing, and I told her I was waiting for my team to come and pick me up after their volunteer work at the other side of the river. After she found that I was from Tokyo, she looked at me unbelievingly and said, "oh... it is really terrible that you have to travel up here for this work at this weather! " Then she made an remark, "it is worse in Tokyo, right? the heat must be more terrible there."  

The old woman told me that her sister and brother in-law who were staying at the site (refer to the picture above) were still missing, and she herself went to AEON for refuge during the 10 days course. She illustrated to me how it was in the mall when it was turned into evacuee center, all the walking lanes were filled with people, and what they were given for food during the ten days. Her husband ran up to the hill. She has two adult boys who are not staying with her, but everyone is safe in her family. Now a relative of her, a form 2 girl was the only survivor in her family in the tsunami. All the while when she tells her story, she remained calm and good humor. During our conversation, another woman sat down beside us, and listened to our conversation. Then she asked the old woman if she was from Ishinomaki. And she introduced herself that she was from Kesennuma. They then described the terrible event, tracing to the evacuation warning of tsunami. This woman from Kesennuma stays at the hill side. When the alarm sounds and the evacuation warning was announced, she mentioned that the announcement was "It looks like the tsunami is coming" rather than "The tsunami is coming", which had probably caused many people to ignore the warning, and when the tsunami came, it was too late to escape. She illustrated how the water rushed to the foot of her house, and the people were screaming for help, and she was afraid to help anyone for the fear of being pulled into the fierce water. I began to imagine even if the people have run, they would not probably had stopped at the hillside, or need to take a break at the foot of the hill. I guess there could be a proportion of healthy elderly people may run faster that me, but I suppose there are more elderly people who are just like the person sitting in front of me, suffering body and muscle aches with their long hours of laboring in rice field or sea. The woman's grandson was trapped in the school, and they were saved by the helicopter after three days. 

After about an hour talking to each other, we bid each other goodbye, and I went to food court to have my lunch, and began to put down my thoughts from all these observations. 

I began to realize that most of the local people who mingle at the mall are probably not so much concern with volunteer work nor people who are assigned to temporary houses. Most are probably affected by the tragedy, but not the one that I am targeting at. No posters or related leaflets of volunteer informations or events that were created for the disaster victims, and it would be difficult to classify nor measure the loss of the victims. This observation tells us that there is a huge challenge in how to reach out and disseminate information to people in need.

The team came to pick me up after their sweat labors in the hot sun. :-) Then we got them McDonalds for dinner in bus... (Thanks, Eric and Tsunoda-san!)

It was even best, that due to an unforeseen traffic jam, we were far behind schedule in reaching Tokyo, and based on the large number of volunteers we have this round, Tsunoda-san sent eight of us back to Kashiwanoha campus. Although this was an unusual measure at an unusual situation, I was really glad that everyone had been patient and gracious enough to get us home. 

At the end of this, I would like to express my deepest gratitude the student team: Celine, Zoli, Erik, Rob, Nic, Gareth, Tuba, Baron and Suzuki. Thank you so much, and I hope that you had a wonderful time in your labor and friendship building with one another! Most of all, thank you for being patient and generous with me, for the frequent washroom stops that I made and my "sneaking out" from the hot sun labor. ^^ Looking forward to have more fun with you guys!!!

more about my health

An unusual ten days had past since my visit to the Tokyo University Hospital emergency ward on July 8 afternoon for a surprise attack of pain. The doctors prescribed Acetaminophen IV trying to reduce the course of the pain, and CT scan with contrast to look for infection or inflammation that was not discovered by the radiography imaging. The acetaminophen took a while to suppress the pain, together with the contrast injection, caused me to be more nausea, and vomiting.

The doctors and nurses surrounded me kept throwing me tons of questions, and one thing that they were really concerned was if I have any family members in Tokyo, and if there is any friend that will be with me for the whole course. That prompted me to think if I really need an operation, or warded. I began to imagine the inconvenience and difficulties without someone being by my side.

Maki, my best friend who accompanied me to the emergency was left alone outside the cold and dark corridor while all these were happening inside the little emergency ward. Poor and kind Maki was having so many datelines, and she herself was suffering bladder infection too. As they moved me to CT scan, I realized that I might need to be warded, and I wanted to tell Maki to go back to the lab. Maki rushed to my side as she saw them pushed me out from the emergency room, thinking if they were sending me for operation. She then heard me murmuring to the doctors (doctors from different specialties came at different time, repeating the same questions, some doubts if I was able to understand and answer them in Japanese,  I was trying my best effort to answer the questions although I was numbed by the pain) with my eyes closed, and she felt relieved and laughed, no one talks as much as Roseline, she thought... then while I was pushed inside the CT scan room, I started to vomit. Maki heard it from afar, and she went back to the place and saw no one, and she knew it must be Roseline that was vomiting. This part of the story became one of our favorite, or Maki's favorite when she illustrates my situations to our colleagues. I love it too, it becomes a good laugh in our miseries.

When they released from the emergency ward, it was almost seven in the evening. It was so dramatic as after 4 hours of struggling with such severe pain, and I was released from the ward, as if the pain was a put of of a show in order for a thorough investigation. Then the doctor explained to me with the CT, that my pain was due to nothing else but the compression of two large myoma (fibroids) in my womb. That seems to explain many things: seemingly bladder infection that was not getting better with antibiotics, heaviness and pelvic pain, pressure in lower abdomen, heavy menstruation etc. She prescribed Acetaminophen to suppress the pain for the weekend, and advised me to ring the hospital if I have sudden and uncontrollable pain again, then return to the clinic for further check up on Monday.

Fearing that I might get into trouble again by traveling in the cramped train, Maki insisted if there could be someone to accompany me back to Kashiwa from Hongo, which takes almost an hour and a half ride.  Thank God we found Liu Feng, another friend who commute in between both campus, was still in Hongo at that time. He accompanied me back to Kashiwa, and though I thought it was not very much necessary in the beginning, had turned out to be an incredible help for me to get back to the place where I stay. Then only after that I realized that Liu Feng actually had an appointment in Tokyo in the evening, which after he sent me back, he went back to Tokyo again. I am in great gratitude towards my friends for their great love and that they had really sacrificed their time to help me.

Another terrible two days had gone, and I began to find the rhythm of the pain and possible trigger factors to it. On monday, the doctor prescribed me a MRI scan, and changed the Acetaminophen to Ibuprofen. To prevent any possible serious pain, I began to pop Ibuprofen like sweets, 3 times a day, as long as I uncomfortable with the compression. On Wednesday, I did a urography with dye to detect obstruction and the size and shape of the bladder. The IV drip this time did not cause nausea, but the wound caused by the fat needle that hooked on the vein of my antecubital fossa took more than 4 days to recover this time. After the scan, the doctor made an effort to see me, and explained to me about the results of the MRI and urography imaging. It was confirmed that the large myoma had taken the whole space and the uterus expanded so much that had causing the compression to the stomach and pelvic bones, where another myoma had grown side way, and pressed on the ureter that caused this swelling of the kidney. However to our surprise, the size of the myoma were far bigger than she thought, and now she was worried if I could have the microscopic surgery in due course.

Hormone therapy is prescribed and will take place on July 27. Surgery is scheduled in November, and we will see how much the fibroids would shrink until then. :-)

Some friends had expressed their concerns about my situation, and I guess that the prayer had been more fervent since. I would wish to express my thankfulness to everyone who is concern. Some had said, do not worry about the fibroids, well... aside of being astonished by the event, and the traumatized feelings of imagining surgery with more readings, in fact I am happy and relieved to find out the causes of all these ill feelings that I have been bearing for a while. Especially when I find out that the extra weight that I am carrying is reducible :-) and I would probably be in a better shape after the removal of the fibroids ^^. My concerns are more about the pain and inconvenience that caused by the fibroids and the following treatment course, that affects my mobility. I have to take leave from school to reduce the physical stress of traveling. So far, God had always proved his generosity in giving me extra grace and strength when there is a mission going on. The trip to the volunteer work in Ishinomaki was successful on Saturday, and when the team decided to send us back to the Kashiwa Lodge on Saturday midnight definitely helped my situation too.

The reason that I disclose all these information was not to seek pity from you, nor to humiliate myself.  As I always trust that being a missionary should be transparent enough in everything that I do if possible, and as this blog had always remained a site of experience learning for future missionaries, as well as a part of my spiritual journey. It will be great if you would like to pray for me, and knowing what exactly I am facing, so that you enjoy being a partner in this spiritual battle of a global mission. Shalom.

Aside from praying for the healing and reduce of the impacts of side effect, there are several things that I am working on and need His grace upon me:

1. the transfer of lodge, from Chiba prefecture back to Tokyo. (hopefully within walkable distance to school/hospital)
2. the completion of the social phobia paper.
3. the completion of application of ethical approval for new projects on hikikomori.
4. my work with the young people (somehow I have been delaying in replying emails, looking into things as I used to be... I am much slower these days, and not being very concentrate of things)
5. the possible and best fulfillment in discussion and working with young people in Akita.
6. the possible fulfillment of studies in Suicide prevention center in Beijing in September prior or post conference.
7. the possible reconnect with the students/young people that I had been working with in Hong Kong after the Beijing trip.
8. I need to start writing my hikikomori paper again as soon as possible.